As a mother, it seems like some days I don't talk about anything besides my kids, or think about anything but my kids, or do anything that isn't for the kids. And I certainly seem to write a lot about my kids. As near as I can recall, life has been like that since about the time I first realized I was pregnant (a little over 15 years ago now). Good thing I love my kids!

This was originally a post on a mailing list, written more or less in response to a post about "my wife says she wants another baby!" It's from about 2 years ago:

Honestly? I wouldn't trade any of my kids for anything, even my little "bonus" baby Alexander--who while unplanned, was certainly wanted.

However, I did sometimes wish that I had stopped with one, because that special closeness that Caitlin & I had when she was a baby was never quite the same after her (first) little brother came along. Or I wish that I had stopped at two, with a much longer interval between them. I had the first three boom, boom, boom at 2-1/2 year intervals, and it's not easy having that many little kids to deal with all at once. Colin (#3) had kind of a hard time of it--he never did anything first, he never had anything new, and when he first started talking, he always talked at the top of his lungs because everybody else was already talking and he had to scream just in an attempt to be heard. And then nobody heard anyway. And now with Alex around, Colin has lost his one distinction, that of being the baby of the family. But he is sharp as a tack, happy and affectionate, and the image of his father, while the others look more like me.

I thought that if I had my kids close together, they would be good playmates for each other. If I had it to do over, I would put more space between them. Taking care of Alex is much easier with the next oldest one being six years older. On the other hand, my brother is five years older than me, and I felt for years that we had nothing in common--which is one of the reasons I had mine closer together.

It's a balancing act--there's good points and bad points no matter how many you have or how you space them. But if you're going to have more than one, be sure you can deal with noise and mess and general chaos. If you like everything neat and tidy and quiet, I wouldn't recommend children at all! I have a pretty high tolerance for noise and mess, and even so there are some days I would gladly sell the lot to the first passing band of gypsies. The ability to laugh--at everything, including yourself--is the first
requirement for parenting.

My mob may drive me crazy, but they are worth it. And I understand the hormonal, I-want-another-baby thing all too well. Alex just hit a year, and I'm already missing the little baby stage. Fortunately for my sanity and my pocketbook, Alex's father took steps after his birth to make sure that there won't be anymore!

I wouldn't mind another one, personally--but I'd be damn sure there was going to be a full time father in the picture. And that doesn't seem to be very likely. So it looks like I'm done, with my four. And I love them all to pieces.